Knowing I Live An Empty Life
by slvrstarburst
Summary: OCxCarlislexEsme. Raine left him knowing that he loved her and she loved him. But it was not meant to be. He needed to save Esme and Esme needed to love him.
1. Chapter 1

Before I begin the story, I have a couple of things to say. Twilight is my new obsession and I'd just like to admit that I often am not able to finish my stories... Sorry! But I'll try REALLY hard to finish this one. Also I'm only through half-way of New Moon, so I'm kind of going to make up stuff as I get farther into the story! Sorry but this is not a story for die-hard Twilight fans.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I only own Raine Hartman.

Knowing I Live An Empty Life - Chapter 01

My name's Raine Hartman and I am a vampire. I was turned long ago during the 1670's. Then again, it's only considered a long time to humans. Time has lost its significance since my human days. I was happy as a human and I would have rather have died then than live this life.

I met my soul mate long ago. His name was Carlisle Cullen and I had met him when I was a human. And I left him. I knew I'd regret it. I knew I'd despair. I knew I'd lose my heart and mind. But I did it for him. She truly needed him. And he needed to help her. I remember the look that he gave her. With those golden eyes, I saw the pain held inside. There was a bottomless well of compassion in him and I knew it tore him. She needed to love him. He needed to help her. And there was no room for me.

So I left.

And now I spend all my time with the Volturi. I laughed at myself. I've been here for the past century. It's not as bad as everybody makes it out to be. On the contrary, it's quite nice here. Aro is most gracious to me and surprisingly Alec is the friendliest to me. I tend to stay away from Marcus and Caius though. The depression that Marcus exudes is too much for me and Caius seems just too obsessed. I've lived here for a long time, but I spent most of my time outside of the Volterra.

Alec is such a sweetheart. His sister and I have a bit of an estranged relationship. She only tolerates me because of the friendship that Alec and I have, but also because she couldn't hurt me even if she tried. Her powers have no effect on me something that I'm secretly very proud of. It's been rumored that the pair of them were the most powerful vampires in the vampire world. I didn't doubt it.

Speaking of the Volturi, I decided to take a break from this reminiscing. I began to walk down the hallway leading towards the main room where Marcus, Caius, and Aro often spent their time. It was the only way I would be able to leave the Volterra and I suspect that Aro had it built that way on purpose. It didn't bother me much anyways, I had nothing to hide and Aro was harmless.

As I entered the main room, I noticed that all three were seated on their thrones with pensive looks upon their faces. Aro was the first to look up and rest his eyes on me. "Ah, Raine! How delightful for you to come this way now!" exclaimed Aro. I paused in the middle of the room and turned to face him. I smiled, "Aro. Caius. Marcus," and acknowledged the three of them. Marcus and Caius paid no attention to me and it suited me well. However, Aro, on the other hand, looked pleased to see me.

"My dear, where are you going in such a rush? Surely you're not going out again?"

"That was the plan, but it seems that you have something to say."

Aro chuckled, "Well of course!" Aro swiftly rose up out of his throne and glided quickly towards me. "I'm sure you remember the Cullens." He peered closely into my eyes.

I felt a sharp stab. My eyes flickered and a look of pain crossed my face. It left as quickly as it came.

"Even now, do you still…" Aro paused, "feel fo-"

"Please." I whispered and moved my eyes to the floor.

Aro took a step back and sat down at his throne once again. He rested his marble-like face in his cold hand and simply looked at me with pity.

"Edward came and begged."

I looked up at him once again surprised. Edward? He would be the last person to beg… unless it was for…

"Do you not want to know what he begged for?" asked Aro with a tilt of his head. He held this curious look on his face.

"I… I know what he came for. He asked you to end his life." I answered once again moving my eyes to the floor.

Aro gave a sadistic smile. "He'll be back soon. He was saved from making a spectacle of himself by a human girl. You know how this will end."

"I-" I was cut off by the entering of Edward, Alice and a human girl along with Jane and Felix. I knew it was them but my feet stayed rooted to the floor facing away from them. I couldn't bear to look at him. Edward's and Alice's smell had already assaulted my nose and memories came flooding back, but I must not lose control. I swallowed my emotions and buried them deep inside. I've been doing this for years. I could not allow any of the Cullens see how broken I truly was. How loosely the pieces were glued back together.

Edward walked slowly forward and stopped dead in his tracks. The human girl bumped into Edward due to his sudden pause. She put a soft hand upon Edward's arm.

"Edward? Is something wrong?"

"Mom!" Alice had already shrieked.

Bella turned to look at Alice and returned to Edward as he spoke. Edward could only say one thing. "….Mother."

As he said those words, a crack appeared in my armor, but I replaced it quickly. Edward and Alice were part of a family that I once was able to call my own and yet I still loved the both of them equally. I turned slowly brushing my long hair to the side. I stared straight into the eyes of Edward and said nothing.

We simply looked at each other. We were both stunned and at a loss for words. Edward more so than I. I had kept a stone cold face, but I couldn't help but give him a small smile. I let down my guard and simply said in my mind to him, 'Be careful. We'll speak later.'

Edward gazed at me with a look of deprivation. He slowly nodded his head and redirected his attention towards Aro who began to speak.

"Edward! And the human! What a happy surprise! You're still alive I see." Aro stepped forward and grabbed the hand of Edward. As Aro shifted through Edward's thoughts, I looked more clearly at Edward's face. His face was gaunt and full of pain and worry. He seemed exhausted beyond belief. He must have gone hunting in such a long time. It almost hurt to look at him.

Edward began to explain to Bella, as I picked up from the conversation, Aro's powers. I shifted my gaze to Bella. She continued to look so worried and confused, but she was pretty for a human. I snapped back to the conversation as Aro said, "… la tua cantante." Bella was Edward's singer?

And that's when I realized the gaze the each other held for one another. It was a love so strong that it was unbreakable and unforgettable. Time could not erode it. That's when I made up my mind. I knew where Aro was going with this and I would not let him kill Bella and Edward.

Aro had realized that Bella was immune to both his and Jane's powers. He had just called Felix to finish Bella and that was when I made my move. As Edward stood to protect Bella and Felix began his attack on Edward, I pounced on Felix. I pulled him off of Edward and threw him against the wall and brought down several pounds of marble and plaster. Felix stood growling at me. I stared calmly back at him and waited. He contemplated whether or not to attack me. I didn't know whether it was self-preservation that he paused or if it was because of Aro, but he soon resumed his assault. I swiftly dodged his attacks and began an assault of my own. After living for almost four centuries, you pick up certain things. I had already polished my physical abilities to an extent that rivaled the strongest of vampires. It wasn't long before I held Felix's neck in my hands.

"Enough," said Aro. He paused, "…Still you protect the Cullens?" Aro's eyes burned through me with such intensity that I wondered if he could see whether or not I had a soul.

"You have always known where my loyalties lie," I answered dropping Felix.

Aro clapped his hands together and said with a smile, "A mother's love, I see. However, you do realize that I cannot allow Bella to leave un-"

"Wait!" Alice shrieked, "Bella will be one of us. I will do it myself." Alec released Alice and glanced at me. He had a look of pain upon his face, as if he regretted what I was doing. I felt another stab at the cold stone that resided inside my chest where a heart should have been. But this was no time for guilt. I watched intently as Aro took Alice's hand and saw her vision. He exclaimed in surprise and gave her a smile.

"It is mesmerizing to see what you have seen before it has happened. Go!" Aro waved his hands at us to leave.

"Goodbye, my young friends."

With that, I led Edward, Alice and Bella out of the main room. It wouldn't be long before the screams started and I preferred not to hear them. Together we reached the surface. It was there I stopped and turned.

"Alice, Edward... and Bella," I smiled, "This is where I take my leave."

"What?! Mom, you can't just leave us again! We have to bring you to see Dad and the family!" Alice exclaimed grabbing my hands.

I gave her a small smile shaking my head. Edward took a step forward and simply gazed at me.

"Mother. Don't leave."

Edward's words were always simple and concise. I wanted to hug both Alice and Edward to death. I never wanted to leave them, but I knew it was not meant to be.

"I left long ago for a reason, you two. The people you call family, are no longer my family. And I am no longer your mother," I said slowly.

It took a lot of strength to say those words and it left me with an emptiness that shook me to my core. I missed them, every single one of them, even she.

I knew Bella had a million questions and I could see the curiosity getting the best of her. I gave a small smile.

"Bella, I know it's confusing but Edward will explain to you later. You will, won't you Edward?"

"Of course."

I nodded and then hugged each one and whispered my goodbye. "Bella, I wish I could have had the chance to get to know the girl who stole Edward's heart," I gave a small laugh, "Please, I ask of only one thing. Love Edward as much as he deserves to be loved."

Bella glanced at Edward and Edward smiled. "I love him with all my heart."

"Then that's all I need to know." I smiled and began to step back into the shadows. As the three began to fade away, I whispered, "Goodbye, my children."

Please Read and Review


	2. Chapter 2

Hey once again! So here's the changes I made to the original Twilight story. So the sequence of vampire turnings is that Carlisle was the first. Then came Raine. Afterwards, it is Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and Esme, in that order. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Knowing I Live An Empty Life 02

It has been months since I last saw Edward, Alice and Bella. Seeing both of them mature and seeing Edward in love made me regret my decision to leave. They were my children and I loved them. How would Emmett and Rosalie have turned out? Jasper?

It was pitch black and I was wandering around aimlessly. It was something I've done for nearly a century. It was good for the mind and it helped me to escape the Volterra. The Volterra isn't horrible but it wasn't comfortable. Caius, Aro, and Marcus thrived upon the fear of others. It was not something that created a comforting environment.

Maybe it was time to move on. I sighed and kicked a rock. I've already begun to alienate the Volturi and I had no family to go to. Maybe I should visit the Grayson Clan.

It had been a while since I had seen them. They were always welcome and warmhearted.

It was time to leave I decided. It's not like I had much attachment here anyways.

Carlisle's POV

Finally, home. We had spent these past couple of months wandering from place to place, wondering if Edward would ever return to us. I knew that he had hurt himself so deeply that even time would not be able to heal his wound. He told poor Bella horrible lies in order to detach himself from her and her from him.

But I knew that his and her love would override all senses of danger. The love that they hold for each is forever lasting. No matter how much you trample and tear that love apart, in the end, it will pull itself together. Love like that is never forgotten and it is the most beautiful thing existing in this world.

But sometimes I doubt this. I doubted it long ago and yet, Edward and Bella give me hope.

One day. Possibly.

I tried to clear my head of these thoughts and memories that began to float up. I needed to stop, but I couldn't. The memory of that fateful day when my heart was ripped to shreds began to resurface. I could remember it so vividly.

Flashback

I walked into the house absentmindedly and set my coat down on the kitchen chair. The only thought that went through my mind at the moment was, 'What do I do? Is this even right? Why?'

I leaned against the kitchen counter and put my head into my hands. Minutes passed as I continued to ask these questions. I ran my hands through my hair and looked up. That's when I realized that the house was empty. All I could hear was silence and the house seemed devoid of life. We were vampires, of course, and are not considered alive, but there was absolutely no sound. Almost as if the world was on mute.

Edward, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie were at school, and Esme would be out at her job. That much I knew. However… there was something wrong. Where was Raine?

I pulled myself together and began my search for her. I ran towards our bedroom, hoping that she was there waiting for me. Why did I have this feeling of dread? I pulled the door open so violently that a crack split the elegant wood.

I was right. This house was empty. My feet became blocks of lead as I dragged myself toward the bed. I sat down on the side of the bed and began to stare at the beautiful wooden floor. My mind began eat itself as a hole in heart began to grow. That's when I noticed a white envelope sitting softly upon my pillow near the head of the bed.

I dreaded that envelope, but I couldn't just leave it. I picked up knowing what it would say. As I read it, the hole began to bury itself within my heart and the words pierced my soul. I knew that I tried hard, but I also knew that she knew me inside and out. How could she have known? My troubles could not have been shown on my face. I tried so hard to keep it unknown. I tried so hard to be the same. I let the letter drop to the floor with a soft thud and pulled my head into my hands.

Raine was gone. My love was gone.

Flashback End

As the memory came to an end, the pain once again ravaged my chest, but I could not put it out of my mind. I opened the drawer at my desk and retrieved the same white envelope. With the envelope in hand, I walked slowly towards the window in my study. I leaned against the bookcase and looked down delicate paper in my cold white hands.

I took a deep breath and opened it once more.

_Carlisle,_

_My love, I know that you've been troubled and I understand. But I want you to know that I have always loved you and will continue to do so. I loved you for who you were and not merely pieces of you. I accepted the compassion that you harbored within yourself and loved that you felt so deeply for everybody, but I also know that your compassion has begun to tear you apart. That compassion pulls you towards Esme._

_And I accept this. Esme is beautiful and she needs to love you. You need to help her and bring her out from the box that she has locked herself in. I love Esme as I love everybody in the family. I've accepted this Carlisle, and all I can do now is hope that you will accept this as well._

_Esme will make a wonderful mother, wife and companion. I will no longer make it difficult for you. I hold no grudge and no hate against either of you. I will not regret my decision for leaving because you will happy._

_I'm aware that I don't have to ask you to, but please take care of the children._

_I love you. Goodbye,_

_Raine._

_Read and Review!_


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